Love and Cycling

I should be working, but I must release the following before I am overwhelmed and consumed into pure oblivious bliss.

My brother and his girlfriend visited over the weekend. Great times - we cycled, went to the Aerospace Museum (not that great - more for kids and pop-tarts), hung out with Emily's friend's friends (annoying and immature as hell, set me back about 20 years in the dating game - Emily told me to pull out my feelers. Not in a million years in that room.), and was thoroughly let down by Nicole - her bed was more foregoing than my company (I'm still pissed about that; at least lie and say you have plans!)

And her "humor" ignited some sparks between us. "Are you upset?" No. "Are you sure?" Yes (actually, I am upset, but I can't tell you because you won't come because you're "antisocial" and don't like groups of people!!! ) Actually, she didn't even realize I was flaring, she's always in Nicole-land. I believe its similar to Florida where the sun is always bright, the weather is perfect, and she's with imaginary friends that tell her how perfect and beautiful she is. "Well, don't send me an email later on telling me you're pissed...bluh bluh bluh." That set me off like no other. "What? When did I ever do that?" "You always do that." Whatever. "Don't give me whatever." (You're probably "joking," though your delivery is anything but.) Whatever.....yeah, Whatever. (I'm thinking, Please Nicole, come. Come! Don't let me down. How do I do this without sounding obsessed and infatuated?)

Yes, I got defensive and an attitude because I truly wanted her to come out and she was playing around. It'd be cool if she had plans or was going out with her boyfriend (she's single!), but she skips me to hang out in front of the tube and to lie around...there's that Green Day song "Efretius Roots" or something..."waste your time with me"!!!!!

So my brother leaves yesterday, I decide to go pick up my mail from Ben at his work, then I'm about to go get a rear wheel from a teammate in NE Capitol Hill when Nicole calls. I'm a sucker for her and can't ignore her so I answer. Instantly, the pure love flows. It's like the weekend never existed, there's no resentment, no barrier: we were both free and in the moment (The best way to live!). Of course, I'll go out with you Nicole!

She wanted to go out to eat. Awesome....this'll be perfect because it'll be me and her and no one else. Exactly how she likes it. And me; I'm not going to lie.

Nicole: you are my Muse. I literally can not stop thinking about you. I love life, my job, cycling, my brother, my mom and sister and niece and cousin, and, most importantly, I love you Nicole. Pure and simple love without any reservations: freedom. You are so beautiful - not fat! look in the mirror and complement yourself Ms. Beatiful!- and I think you are by far the most amazing woman/lady/girl/female/individual...the way your hair curls and illuminates your smooth face and bright, brown eyes, your bubbly spirit enveloping the atmosphere, your smile and laughter of yourself and even me, the way you randomly and melodically sing those obscure songs, the constant conversationing and sharing and loving and laughing, and the warm silence, and the way you cried when I told you how beautiful you were (after telling you for the 10th time it finally set home, "that was so sweet"...), and how I made you laugh to release the tension....."You're invading my space....excuse me!!!" There's absolutely no way I'm taking no for an answer...I love you and are truly magnificent...

Why do I feel I can't get beyond the friend stage? I don't like to put myself out there because I'm totally afraid of rejection...I mean we've known each other for a while and even the thought of you rejecting me is too difficult to bear. I'm not the greatest at picking up physical or verbal cues, but I'd be a fool to think you don't like me. Two people acting the way we do together is virtually unheard of yet sought after for, many, a lifetime....its freedom and love...the Secret. So how do I do it? Fuck it, let's go on a date, I'll make you an extravagant dinner, and even curb it around your South Beach diet -which is ridiculous because you're Beautiful, an Angel, and look superb in everything I've ever seen you wear- and tell you how amazingly beautiful you are and how wonderful you look and me and you are soulmates.

Now I just need to envision myself holding your hand and holding you tight and keeping our bodies and hearts warm. That's difficult, because what if you reject me? Low self esteem...stop worrying and just FEEL the love...don't be so hard on yourself Sean. Or as Nicole would say, "Seany." Yeah, about that.....

Nicole wants to come watch me race at Tyson's Corner, the 3/4 race. I have yet to buy my license - somehow I'm registered for the race! I won the Cat 5 last year, maybe I'll win the Cat 3/4 and win her heart for eternity. She mentioned coming to watch me and I was dumbfounded. "You don't come visit my brother, it took you three days of constant bugging to come visit my mom and sister, and you don't even like cycling." "Yeah, but you're into it." Awwwww.

I love you Nicole. And I love Cycling...which I love more...I have no idea right now...soon enough it will be Cycling because Nicole frustrates me to no end, but we'll work on that.