Writing

Jobless. Who cares? My bank account, about the only concern. Even still, I'll treat myself as a king and the same for the people I love.

I don't think DC's my town. I won't get the job I interviewed with today - the public policy internship. But if I did I'd think differently. DC would be my town, at least for the duration of this road season.

I read a few days ago that 86% of the population live in cities. Perhaps my definition of city is different from "theirs." Whoever "they" are. The town I grew up in and the town my mom lives now would both be considered "cities", only because they are on the *very* edge of Pittsburgh (read: nowhere near the city limits nor anywhere near civilization designated as suburbs.) Seriously, these towns on a map are included in the area of Pittsburgh; towns with populations of 10-15000, generously estimated. I consider those towns "slums" with the population of numbskulls in residence, the G'd-out-thugs and goths and bad-ass parking lot auto brigade. The overweight moms with the 80's hair, the beer-bellied guys on their way home from work headed straight to the pub. No wonder why the kids turn to drugs and sex and tv - at least someone cared.
It's funny the "competition" back home. Coming home from Hawaii I was forced to "compete" with kids at stores and in public. I was lost as to the trophy. Was it a hot date waiting inside WalMart for the kid with most dignity? Did the loser receive a pummeling to his pride, or worse yet, his almost-lemon '86 mustang? Was I supposed to belittle the mulleted-rednecks and show my mancard to these kids by harassing young, fake girls caked in makeup with tight shirts and too-short shorts? Perhaps I was supposed to challenge them to a duel. Fight, or highway racing, or wear a blue tilted cap as a gang symbol. I never knew the "rules" of the game. So I simply never played. Besides, the road was calling.

It's hard for me to say this aloud: I absolutely love Nicole. She knows it, but I've never told her directly. She's so beautiful and seductive and intelligent and down-to-earth and talkative with these foreign insecurities, almost childlike in a way. I can't figure her out. It's like all these
I've never told any girl that magic word 'love', mostly for my own sake. Actually, I told Tara, but that was a drunken stupor. Surprisingly, my brother and cousin only brought it up a few times - probably because I laugh just as hard. And she tried to steal my car! Who does that!
I adored Katie, but that relationship wasn't much of a relationship. I was smothered, needed air. She went from saying some heartfelt things to tearing me apart, avoiding me, acting like I didn't exist. Took me a while, but I got over it. Nicole asked me one day if I still talk to her (Katie). Hahaha. No.

I remember I wrote one friend after going out with Nicole in early October. It wasn't a date, according to Nicole, but I bought her flowers, took her to that Paparazzi Italian restaurant in Georgetown, and unintentionally treated her to an early Halloween spook ride through Rock Creek Park. All because I wanted to get her home earlier. I should have manned up and tried to eek out as much time as possible. But I'm a good friend. I'll never forget that trip. Especially afterwards. We probably should have ended our friendship that night, but somehow she was cool about it. I should write a mysterious short story. Have everything play out differently and according to the rules of friendship. The story would be titled, "Nothing Kiss." Seriously, I don't think any other girl would have taken that lightly. Especially such a beautiful, professional girl. Jesus, I love this girl.
I guess that date was just me showing her how she "should" be treated. Yeah, that's what it was.
It was a philosophical evening of love's manners , nothing pragmatic between us.

Anyway, my training: I have rode my bike perhaps 4 or 5 times in the past month. Have I lost any fitness? Probably not much, if any. Serious. My legs haven't changed, my 6 pack is still here, and my desire is increasing. Slowly, but surely.

I'd be all set if I could get a job.

How much money do I need in the next 6 months?
Rent= 1800
Phone = 300
Loans = 200-300
Food = 400-500? Pnut butter(15), bread (8), rice(10), gatorade(9), fig newtons(15), cereal (10), milk (7)
Cycling tires and tubes - 100?
Registration costs. - 500?

3500 at the most. Damn. Me and my friends are going to disappear at this rate.
I need to make 500 a month just to be even. 125 a week. Hmm. Screw Americorps, taking away my financial security. But they gave me back my emotional framework. Not that I've done much with it.
Hmmm.

More job searching tomorrow. I hate it!