More Cycling

Yesterday I headed out to Hains Point to ride the usual Thursday evening group ride. Work was exhausting me, CVS was pissing me off because they couldn't get my online photo order correct, so I decided to try a different CVS store to get my photos for Nicole's project (still have no idea what it is, but I had a good brainstorming session on the ride to work today - my 'cycle is my car!).

I arrive, the wind viciously greets me, and only two triathletes and one cyclist come by. Either this Route1 guy is off the front destroying the group, or there is no group because there's no one in sight. It's Mike Esmonde, Cat III bar winner for 2007, destroyer at Crystal City (both prime and finish - he racked up some sweet money and wheels)...such a small guy with fierce sprinting power.

He suggested a hill workout in north Arlington. We're off. He's an enjoyable fellow, quite amusing. My face was cold with snot constantly flowing my from nose so I had difficulties talking. He said he could hear me fine....I was using a lot of effort and I thought I still sounded mumbled. So we get to the Custis trail and he's like "this is my top speed." Slow! What's wrong Mike? You weigh less than me and have power, I know you can use it. I effectively dropped him up that short hill, where he found me amusing as a "junior rider." I'm not even sure what he meant: either I was all over the place or using too much energy or scaring the trail-runners...I wasn't sure what he meant. We ride all over, Military Rd, some other parts of the Italian Store ride, where he stays with me up all of them. I tried to drop him a few times since his "top" speed was slow, but he pulled out the engine room.

Mike E. has cornering and technical cycling down to perfection. He thinks I suck at cornering, which I do, but my back wheel sucks (wobbles) and my bike is probably too short in length, so I have doubts about certain technical cornering.


This weekend I'm going to be lazy and relax for most of the weekend. I hate staying inside, but I'll be forced to after this week. Tonight's cycling instruction is going to eat the little energy I have, though with the new heart rate monitors I'll be able to engage the participants more in their personalized training. Should be excited for the first little bit. Still, I'd rather not go. I hear my bed calling me....

This weekend is devoted to relaxing and working on a spiffy project for Nicole. It wasn't gonna be anything other than pictures of her and I, but after Monday I have other plans.

"Oh man, I can't believe I didn't finish that project."
"What project?"
"Well, I've been meaning to do it for a while now, but I'm lazy and procrastination got in the way."
"Ooooooooo!! Did you write me a poem?" Why do you do act all bubbly and try to get my emotions going for you? It used to work, but anymore I just want to have a good time with you. It hurts too much to catch that glimmer of hope. Frustration. If you like me just come out and tell me. But you're probably insecure about your appearance (utterly confusing!) and possibly like me with the fear of rejection, though you know I like you. if you let me down this time....but you won't.
"Oh, no. It was just a small little something. I was working on it before I left. Then I figured I'd finish it later and get it on the way to work. I mean, I was only going to Ben's to get my mail to do my taxes and then to Capitol Hill to get a back wheel from a teammate. You weren't in my plans tonight. But you called and here I am! In my cycling clothes looking like a twig, too!"
"Hehe."
"I'm waiting for it, too."
"Waiting for what?"
"Come on, you know you want to. Look at me."
"What?" She smiles.
"Laugh, let it out."
"Honestly, you look like a cyclist. For some reason I always thought you'd be in yellow even though you told me you wear blue. Now, if your uniform was yellow I'd laugh."

I'm torn. I miss this girl so much, haven't talked to her since then, and haven't felt this way about anyone ever. At the time I was putting on my gloves, hat, helmet, and mp3 player to go home. She was standing there.
"What are you waiting for?"
"For you to get ready."
But its cold out. You don't like the cold. This reminds me of Colonel Brooks when I swear, in the freezing cold, you stood on the corner in anticipation. Of a hug, of something. The pedestrian light changed to "walk" and I told you to have a good night and walked to the Metro. You looked disappointed as you started jogging home. I had no idea. We're friends. Then weeks later we had long discussions about how you didn't want to be with me.

So I called a few times since Monday and left messages. Her phone was turned off every time. Odd. It's never turned off.
"What if I was dying on the side of the road, Nicole?" And why do you say stupid stuff like that to me: "You don't care about me. What if I was lying somewhere dying?" Huh? Such insecurity infuriates me - I was sick of hearing her say she was fat, so I pulled out the charm, unconsciously, and made her cry in happiness - which makes me feel more for her.

My last girlfriend I wanted to be with her, and then after a bit I despised it and wanted time to myself. I'd go home for the weekends to make sure I had that time to myself. Then when I went back to college I had this immense desire to be with her.. After a bit she ended the relationship, even though that last weekend she should have been with me down in Memphis for 311 day. Either she didn't want to go or, if she was telling the truth, her mom wouldn't allow her.
Even last Fall Nicole'd randomly show up at my work and sometimes I felt like it was too much, but I was between a rock and a hard place because I cherished the moment because I knew it would soon end. And it did, and I couldn't bear it. God, just to hear her voice right now....